Friday, July 27, 2012

SMALL MUSINGS AND STUFF

If you're the type who likes spice - who lives and breathes by Scoville scales and whose toilet jet has seen its water being converted into steam - then here's something brilliant that you can do, that a certain someone told me.

Eat spicy stuff. Do not drink water / anything sugary. When your tongue is on fire, close your mouth. Blow slowly. Hot air over a tongue already writhing with pleasure / agony (depending on your point of view).

Soon, your mind will go to places that LSD couldn't hope to take you.

==

Turtles are awesome pets. They just plod along in their tank all day, and keep themselves amused. Don't make the mistake of thinking they're low maintenance, though, even if you get them for cheap. The food, the tank, the cleaning - all costs a fair bit.

They poop like souls possessed, though - and the water tends to get murkier than Satyam's account books.

So I asked my good friend Srikeit to ferry me an expensive Fluval filter when he went to the US. After waiting for it for weeks, I finally plugged it in. BOOM. India's 230 V is not equal to America's 110 V. What a freaking waste.

Some engineer I am, but then, I once called water 'condensed ice' or some such, so I'm guessing those credentials have been left behind long long ago.

==

I recently bought a cycle, thrilled after my doctor told me I can pedal again after that ruddy accident last year. Felt so good to have the wind on face and all that.

What did the Samajwadi Party's symbol tell the CPI(M)'s symbol after the latter was trounced in the election?
Bye, sickle!

Sorry ok.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

FEAR

Fear.

Some people describe it as waiting outside your boss' room before your annual appraisal after a particularly bad year.

Some people describe it as a bowler coming in, with your team on strike needing two to win, with one wicket left.

Some people describe it as sleeping alone at night.

Some people describe it as the wait for exam results.

Some people describe it as popping the question, and the painstaking wait as she thinks it over.

Some people describe it as waiting for the 'Price' slide of the annual Apple gadget presentation.

I thought of many of those too, and more.

On July 10, 2011, my definition changed for ever.

Imagine being woken up from your reverie in the backseat of a car, totally out of control and the driver unable to get a grip. Imagine seeing a huge truck in front of you. And you're speeding towards it, with no sign of slowing down.

That one second when you know you're going to crash.
That one second when you don't know whether you'll be alive at the end of it.
That one second when your entire life - from peeing in public to raising your hands in triumph after conquering Maharashtra's tallest peak - flashes in front of you in ultra-fast-forward.
That one second where you wonder whether all you've worked for - all your hopes and dreams - will just reside in pieces of a useless cerebellum, whose best future could be inside formalin.
That one second where you want to scream, cry, curse, hope, pray all at once.
That one second where you know something terrible is going to happen, and you don't have the power to do anything - anything about it.

That one second.

Everything else - job, cricket results, bugs at home, marks, rejection, iPad prices - seemed so inconsequential.

That. Is fear.

One year ago, each one of us involved in the accident is alive. And well. And in a position to work just as before without any problems. We can think about iPad prices and cricket matches again.

I just hope none of us - or any of you reading this - are needed to be given a reminder on how fragile life is.