Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thursday, February 17, 2011

#MUMBAIPINKFLOYD

Another one of those hashtag compilations. This happened a long time ago, though.

@gradwolf: Andheri Side of the Moon

@mokkai_mak: Jugbandra blues

@chuck_gopal: Sion on you Crazy Diamond


@mikhail666: Not now, Raj

@wewakesaynoy: Vashi you were here


@HippieLePew: Intersteller Marine Drive

@bobin_james: Great Fog in the Sky

@b50: Piper at The Gateway of Dawn

@atulkarmarkar: Any Kurla You Like

@bobin_james: San Tacruz

@adi_ses: Another Brick in the Chawl

@HippieLePew: Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Vada Pav

I'm sure there are many more - if you guys think of any, do pop them in the comments, and will add and credit them.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

DHARMESHG OFF ALCOHOL, UB FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY

Indian brewery and alcohol marketing firm United Breweries today filed for bankruptcy anticipating a nosedive in sales ever since doctors told @dharmeshG that he was not to touch the stuff for the next few months.

"Yup, no alcohol for me for the next 6 months", said a distraught @dharmeshG, and by 'said', we mean 'tweeted'.

"This is terrible!", said UB chairman Vijay Mallya (and by 'said', I mean 'bellowed') "When we noticed a slight dip in sales, I thought it was just some anomaly and proceeded to joke with the board that @dharmeshG might have quit drinking for a while. Then in a moment reminiscent of the two flunkies in that Hitler movie meme, my senior sales managers told me that it was indeed true. This is terrible!"

Last heard, in an attempt to revive sales, Mallya was in deep discussions with Lalit K. Modi to rename "that cricket event coming up to something like the Kingfisher trophy", only for the disgraced former IPL commissioner to tell him the event in advisement was indeed, the World Cup, and in any case, he couldn't do anything about it.

Siddharth Mallya, scion, UB Group, in a rare display of sense - started cutting back on expenses. "It's true, I just use Brylcreem now instead of the international gook!", he said, carefully patting his hairdo. And by 'said', we mean 'tried to mumble and appear smart enough to boss around RCB n00bs and impress Deepika'.

Bereft of alcohol for the coming few months, @dharmeshG contemplates the extreme step.
Industry watchers are inconvenienced with the task of editing their tables. "Previously, we used to have 76 zones. The top of which were Goa, Kerala, Diu and then @dharmeshG. Now we have to edit all our tables and remove one column. Gah!", said an industry expert.

@dharmeshG, in the meantime, has distracted himself by creating a meme out of himself, by deleting his Twitter account, and renaming an old one... No wait... He deleted the new one and renamed the old one and renamed... No wait...

Noted Twitter philosopher and noted mind therapist @onejubb adds fuel to the fire by coining regular alcohol-related puns in the vicinity of said @dharmeshG, such as "Don't worry, ale is well", "Beer with this phase, it'll pass" and "Guess you got away scotch-free". And by 'said', we mean 'posted on Twitter with scant disregard for grammar or punctuation'.

Friday, February 04, 2011

SUMMER OF '83

Poor 1984-onwards- Indian cricketers. Every four years when they step into a World Cup, the hype surrounding them is so massive you would need a truck to carry it (the same truck of Sidhu-propogated-gap-between-bat-pad-so-large-truck-could-drive-through fame).

And it’s all their fault. Those Kapil’s Devils. That miraculous win. Teams of today will always be compared to them. “They hardly had any numbers. Today we have tens of thousands of runs and still can’t win”, we moan. Yes - It’s all their fault that today’s team has baggage. Innit?

In any case, here’s what the Indian fan of today would probably sing to himself, every World Cup.

To be sung to the tune of Bryan Adams’ Summer of ’69.

==

We got our first real feeling,
Down at the St. John's Wood,
Jimmy's three and Llyody got harried,
Who'd have thought we'd get so far?

Oh I see the replays now
Those seamers seemed to go for ever
And if I had the choice
Damn, I wish I could have been there.

That was the best day of our lives.

Ain't no use in complaining,
We almost had number two,
Spent my evening Ponting-abusin’,
How could we lose, I ask you, yeah!

Standin' on victory's door
We threw it away in
that year.
And if Zak had a choice
Yeah, he'd erase that
first over.

That was the worst day of our lives.

But now we're playin' fine,
We are young and restless.
We're coming from behind.
Hope this form can last for ever, for ever, yeah!

And now the times are changin'
Players, teams - they've come and gone.
Sometimes when I get that ol' feeling
I hope this year, it don't go wrong.

For all of this Feb and March
You can feel the rising fever
And touch wood, fingers crossed
April 2'll be a day to remember.

It could be the best day of our lives.

Oh yeah.
Like that summer of '83.

Woooooooaaaaaaaaah!
Not like Azhar's boys in '99.

==

This is a preview of a series of such 'songs' me and Krish Ashok will be doing on Cricinfo. Hope you liked this, there are going to be lots more.