Pity, really, that the world is going kafut. By this time tomorrow, we'll all be little carbon-based powder. If we're lucky. Times like these - and by times, I mean periods of imminent extended separation (last day of college, cosmic separation, parting of strangers in a bar after spilling out life secrets) - cause us to reflect. Like never having told that cute girl you had a crush on her. Or wondering whether, like the guy in the Naukri ad, you can hydrate your boss' garments. It also provides a moment of sadness and eternal mystery. Did she really want to discuss the advantages of using Lithium Aluminium Hydride as a insulator in high-temperature abrasive industry, or did she just want to have sex? Is Stonehenge real? What does the S on Jughead's tee-shirt stand for?
Like all cool folks these days, and by cool folks I mean people on Twitter, we too will feel all of these emotions. Here are the biggest Twagedies of them all.
1. We'll never know the real identities of @cgawker, @jhunjhunwala, @eyepeeyell and @raytida.
2. We'll never get to read Dork 2, 3 and 5. Book 4, I hear from a credible source, is terrible and will be condemned to hell, so I can catch it there.
3. We'll never get to actually see @nayakgirin getting married. Or for that matter, celebrate his real birthday.
4. We'll never get to hear @nayakgirin talk in real life. The only people who have heard @nayakgirin talk so far are : The professor who took his viva in engineering, Vodafone customer care executive Rajeshwar and @cornerd, aided by bionic hearing, who claims to have heard him squeak 'Otha!' while watching the World Cup final when Tweetdeck crashed.
5. @siddev18 will never get a hug in real life from @gulpanag. On a related note, the world will also end with @anantha giving a middle finger to the former, saying "Bwahaha, I beat you!"
6. Wildlife photographer S.U. Saravanakumar will never make an appearance on Bosey again. This is a true S.U.S. situation.
7. We'll never get to see @SahilRiz spoof Tusshar Kapur's planned magnum opus of 2014, Balma - Ek zati khujli ki kahani
8. We'll never know what 'livetimefe' means. My guess is something to do with iron.
9. We'll miss out on @diogeneb epically cracking a way to anagram "AAAAA". And still make it funny.
10. We'll miss out when @notytony finally manages to make a pun on 'Gradwolf' which hasn't already been done before.
11. We'll miss out on Twitter breathing a collective sigh of relief when @chuck_gopal finally gets a Sennheiser HD800 and shuts the fuck up.
12. Poor @dharmeshG will miss out on his dream of going to Los Angeles and... Oh wait.
13. @mokkai_mak won't be around to see the fruition of #DateforMAK (Machan - it was long-term strategy... Don't go by initial bomb)
14. We won't be around to see @Ashvala do a clean sweep of the Nobel Prize, Man Booker Prize, All Academy Awards (from best director to best maintained set), all of Guitar Magazine's awards, ICC's cricket awards (he won everything including lifetime achievement award and best newcomer award in the same year - he overtook Bradman's career aggregate in just two games. Yes.)
15. @udupendra would not have found a Gothic classic punk-poprock metal electronica emo band from Papua New Guinea.
16. I hear from credible sources that the term 'onejubb' was going to be included in the Oxford English dictionary from next year. Alas... Otha just missed.
17. We'll never know @pranavbackliwal's real age (Look at his actual pic. Mild 12-year-old-making-debut-for-Pakistan feel)
And, the biggest tragedy of them all,
18. We won't be around to see #Dhruv, #YoungerSon, #Olssen, #Boo and #SidNanda (and #Self for that matter) have Twitter accounts.
Happy apocalypse, everyone!
PS: Thank yous to Photoshop expert extrordinaire and Beeyand-ruh West gurrl @sayaneeh for coming up with the name of the shady movie in Point 7.