Saturday, February 12, 2011


Indian brewery and alcohol marketing firm United Breweries today filed for bankruptcy anticipating a nosedive in sales ever since doctors told @dharmeshG that he was not to touch the stuff for the next few months.

"Yup, no alcohol for me for the next 6 months", said a distraught @dharmeshG, and by 'said', we mean 'tweeted'.

"This is terrible!", said UB chairman Vijay Mallya (and by 'said', I mean 'bellowed') "When we noticed a slight dip in sales, I thought it was just some anomaly and proceeded to joke with the board that @dharmeshG might have quit drinking for a while. Then in a moment reminiscent of the two flunkies in that Hitler movie meme, my senior sales managers told me that it was indeed true. This is terrible!"

Last heard, in an attempt to revive sales, Mallya was in deep discussions with Lalit K. Modi to rename "that cricket event coming up to something like the Kingfisher trophy", only for the disgraced former IPL commissioner to tell him the event in advisement was indeed, the World Cup, and in any case, he couldn't do anything about it.

Siddharth Mallya, scion, UB Group, in a rare display of sense - started cutting back on expenses. "It's true, I just use Brylcreem now instead of the international gook!", he said, carefully patting his hairdo. And by 'said', we mean 'tried to mumble and appear smart enough to boss around RCB n00bs and impress Deepika'.

Bereft of alcohol for the coming few months, @dharmeshG contemplates the extreme step.
Industry watchers are inconvenienced with the task of editing their tables. "Previously, we used to have 76 zones. The top of which were Goa, Kerala, Diu and then @dharmeshG. Now we have to edit all our tables and remove one column. Gah!", said an industry expert.

@dharmeshG, in the meantime, has distracted himself by creating a meme out of himself, by deleting his Twitter account, and renaming an old one... No wait... He deleted the new one and renamed the old one and renamed... No wait...

Noted Twitter philosopher and noted mind therapist @onejubb adds fuel to the fire by coining regular alcohol-related puns in the vicinity of said @dharmeshG, such as "Don't worry, ale is well", "Beer with this phase, it'll pass" and "Guess you got away scotch-free". And by 'said', we mean 'posted on Twitter with scant disregard for grammar or punctuation'.


ts said...

and by 'scant disregard', you mean 'scant regard'?

Anonymous said...

Hehe :D

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

@TS: Haha, that would be a #meta I suppose. But no

@Anon: Thanks for stopping by... Uhm, whoever you are ;)

SYCO said...