Tuesday, August 31, 2010

THE TRUTH ABOUT IIPM



 



Hmm, so no wonder then, that...

Monday, August 30, 2010

THE #bloglike SERIES PART 3 - THE COWHERD

My good fraand, Arjun aka the CowHerd is famous for collecting WTFs on his blog.
Small tribute to him this time.

WTF # 325: The Lady Saver.

Yes, saver.



WTF # 53465474567: The Skinless Condom



If you went WTF seeing that, then see the description.


Monday, August 23, 2010

IRON MAIDEN WISHES ALL MALLUS ON THIS AUSPICIOUS OCCASION

Forgive the sloppy 1 AM MS Paint work. But it's heartfelt nonetheless.
\m/allu power!

By the way, the band 'Iron Moideen' was coined by Remil.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

HAPPY ONAM AND ALL THAT

Yes, it's Onam again. It's that time of the year when fraud Mallus hunt for their lungis, everyone wants to eat off a banana leaf, everyone tries to learn to say 'Onashamsakhal' and most importantly, stops poking fun at Sreesanth.

However, while all these festivities are happening, now would not be a bad time to get a few messages across to the rest of the country. From all us Mallus.

1. It's not pronounced Kozhi-kode. Really. I know, the 'zh' might make you think otherwise. But it's really not that way. Here's a simple step-by-step procedure on how to pronounce this place right.

Step 1: Say 'co' as in 'cogent'
Step 2: Say 'ri' as in how an American would say 'Rick'. Yes, rolled tongue and all.
Step 3: Say 'code' as in 'The da Vinci Code'
Step 4: Put them all together.

There you go. See, that wasn't too tough, was it? Just a bit of practice and you'll be mastering everything here in no time.

2. Porotta and paratha are not #sameguy. Really. Parathas are what you get in Punjab. They go well with lassi. And are usually stuffed with anything from aalo to eggs. Porottas on the other hand, are delightful gobs of good ol' maida beaten up.

3. We hate Sreesanth just as much as you do.

4. Typical conversation when meeting a TamBrahm from Kerala:
X: Wait, you said you're TamBrahm
Y: Correct
X: But then how come you're Mallu?
Y: *groan*

Ok - this is simple. Long, long back, a bunch of TamBrahms from this place called Tanjore in Tamil Nadu migrated to Kerala (to protect themselves from the war is the stated reason, I think it was because of the low supply of alcohol. Heh) and set shop there, in a district called Palakkad. Basically all Mallu TamBrahms originate from here. See, simple, no? Mallu by geography, Tam by lineage.

5. If you see a Mallu engineer, say the words 'PC Thomas' and watch him quiver in his boots.

6. You guys have no idea how much we laugh over the name Kundan Shah. Heehee.

7. Yes, we hate Silsila also, and if we can get our hands on the fucktard who made the thing, we'd kill him.

8. If Newton were a Mallu, a lot of school kids would be spared the 'Gravity' chapter in their physics textbooks.

9. Malayalam is complicated alright. Depending on how you pronounce the 'r', 'poori' is either a delicious breakfast item or an abuse. If you're in a seedy little restaurant in Kasargode, stick to ordering dosas if you don't have Mallu company.

10. Dubai is basically an annexe of Kerala. It could also be the other way round. So while scientists have solved the chicken-egg mystery, they're working on a new one now.

11. In Mallu slang, 'rocket' and 'masturbate' have the same word. Really. It would have been amusing if this movie were to be translated into Mallu, no?

Okay, that's enough. Have a kickass Onam and a great sadhya!

PS: Some hilarity was had around Vishu as well, here.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

WHAT IF AAMIR KHAN WENT TO A BSCHOOL IN 3 IDIOTS?


Oh, and. The management-type cartoon being referred to is this one. The stick figures in the penultimate panel are from The Vigil Idiot aka Sahil Rizwan's brilliant spoof of the movie. Check that out here.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

THE MOST ANNOYING EMAIL ID FORMATS, EVER



We've reached that stage in life where you look at a person and think of his GTalk handle before his name. You know, when one person is missing from your chat list, something feels wrong. Like a building you pass everyday suddenly's been removed, but you can't exactly put a finger on what's wrong.

Anyway.

No matter how liberal we get with our online expressions, there are certain email addresses that just make you cringe.Following are all of them compartmentalized for your pleasure.

1. The Random Year Format: This includes the name followed by a year. Makes no sense, apart from give an indication of which year the address was created. Eg, suresh2009@domain.com
Wouldn't be as annoying if the person didn't change his email ID every year.

2. The 4-bearers: And the prize for most annoying format goes to the ubiquitous 4-bearers. A breed of people who use the numeral '4' in interesting ways, ostensibly as a substitute for the popular English word 'for'. A sample of this is rajesh4u@domain.com.

3. 4SMSese: Variation of the above. Sometimes a person realises he wants more out of life than 'u', and proceeds to express his desire for other alphabets, usually strings of them. So then comes rajesh4luv@domain.com. Needless to say, very strongly associated with the franship brigade.

4. Grossly self-descriptive: Here's when people try to provide a brief Orkut profile on their email ID. So here you have the irresistible hot.kunal@domain.com and musiclover.ashok@domain.com. Thank goodness for character limits on email account handles. Or we'd probably have a tallhandsomeboygudbackgroundfamilylookingfordecentfemaleforfrenshiponlyplsreply@gmail.com.
And all of you buggers who wanted to have an address on MSN when you were 16 - out with it, all of you wanted the 'Hot Male at Hotmail' ID, didn'tya?

5. The case taker: The chap who CAPS it all. Or part of it. So you have SURESHGANDHI@DOMAIN.COM. What's more annoying is them reading out their ID and indicating the letters that are caps. So, ''arjun dot singh at gmail dot com, A and S capital''. Geh.

So let me make this clear, in language that you understand.

CAPS DO NOT MATTER IN EMAIL ADDRESSES (or website URLs, since we're on the topic). REALLY. TRY IT. WONDERFUL NO? THINK OF ALL THE KILOJOULES YOU'LL SAVE WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXTEND ONE FINGER TO PRESS THE SHIFT BUTTON WHILE TYPING ANYMORE. PUT TOGETHER OVER A PERIOD OF 15 YEARS, ALL 1 MILLION OF YOU COULD POSSIBLY SAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO POWER A SMALL CITY FOR A MONTH. You don't want to deprive that poor city do you? So be good, and don't use caps anymore.

(other recommendations from Twitter and comments)

6. Self-proclaimed Bonds: Guys who add 007 after their name. This one was courtesy Kaporegime from Twitter.

7. The college-goers: Yeah, how did I miss this. People who add their college name after their ID. Actually this isn't too annoying, just interesting to see what they do with their IDs after they pass out :P
(By Freakverse).


8. A combination of all the above. For what this means, see the comments. 


I also wanted to add 'Guy with too many full stops in his email ID', but then remembered this. Oh well. Also my first ever email ID is embarrassing. Must delete.


As an annexe, the weirdest possible emails are those which say 'Please take 73 hard copies, submit one to the library, one to your guide and one generally to display on your bookshelf, and other 70 for administrative purposes.' and has a signature which reads 'Please consider the environment before printing this mail'.

We live in fun times.

Friday, August 06, 2010

ONE FOR THE FRANSHEEP MAKERS

No seriously. Where would our dreary lives be without fransheep makers?
Following is the entire conversation one of my frands... Er, friends, had with a person who was obsessed with her. What makes it even more hilarious is that it wasn't even her real profile, there are no pictures or details of her, apart from a Calvin & Hobbes DP.

Slightly disturbing, yes.

Anyway, without further ado, furnished below is the full transcript for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

This suave gentleman's profile states that he's born in 1950. If there's one thing that can be said about him, he has a set of rather inspirational quotes on his profile, the first of which is a "Gandhi, M.". However, the last quote is his own, and that tends to negate things.

We love fransheepers, don't we?

Anyway, here's something I sent a friend on Friendship Day who complained that she hadn't received any friendship bands this year:


Soon after that, I made another one for another really really good friend who didn't get any friendship bands.

Such fun.

THE FIRST SLIP THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT

As a few of you might know, I recently started drawing comics for Cricinfo, the world's largest single-sports website, along with my good friend Tony Sebastian for a section called First Slip - where we coin new cricket terms.

Occasionally, there are some 'rejects' or comics that don't make the final cut, for various reasons (overkill of the idea, general blah-ness, etc). Here's one of them. Since I made it anyway, I'm dumping it out on the blog :P

This was the front image:


And this is the main comic:


Catch all the First Slip archives (not that there are too many, yet) here.

Oh yes. There was a SahilRiz plug there. Heh.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

MORE INBOX HILARITY

It's so good to know that even spammers are looking at keywords these days.
Going beyond inbox, going into blog comments. The social mediaification of spammers, as it were.


Still, mildly disturbing to see my post about Sachin being targeted for performance enhancement ads.