Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010

WANTED: SWOONING AUDIENCES FOR BRILLIANCE IN POWERPOINT AND PHOTOSHOP

And as me and my spaced out friend sit here at 02:25 AM, making presentations and a creative respectively, only oddly stopping at times to make PJs on random innocent ladies' Facebook profiles, a dawn falls upon us (the metaphorical one, not the sunrise thingummy).

Ask I of my friend, "Friend, why is it why that only certain professions are rewarded with screaming audiences and crying women?"

Replies the friend, "A lot of what we do involves making women cry. Have you seen what happens whenever you post a PJ on your Facebook profile?"

Replyeth I, "No, you fool. I mean cry like in this video."

Says he, "Wow. Amazing."

"I know! See all the girls going gaga over the Beatles!"

"No, not that - that was the first time I've ever seen anyone managing to hyperlink a word in spoken conversation."

"Oh that. Never mind."

"But what's your point?"

"Dude, it's unfair that only rockstars and actors and comedians have such screaming fans and all that. I mean, look at the two of us right here."

"Ummm..."

"I'm making a kickass presentation with animations as brilliant as a van Halen solo. And you're doing some funky Photoshop shit that surely took as much effort and genius as goes behind a Shane Warne dismissal. So why is it that you and I sit here, un-lauded for our efforts, while they become legends and get chicks by the truckload?"

(at this point, said friend started to lose interest and went back to rasterizing his layers and masking some vectors and things)

Alright. But what I have to say is important. Why is it that we poor slaves are never rewarded by our efforts? Sure, sure you have all that annual bonus and all that, but does that compare to all the glitz and glamour?

I mean, when will I see the following:

1. Myself on the cover page of 'Presentations Today' with the title "How the Fade Animation made me a new person - the Inside Story"?

2. Myself in an interview on NDTV's Office 2007 Legends show?

3. A young impressionable office girl running up for my autograph shrieking, "I loved your work on Slide 42 of the presentation you made yesterday!"

4. Myself on a billboard endorsing Gillette with the tagline "For making smooth presentations, you first need a smooth slide" (hahahaha, geddit?)

Just as Warnie has millions oohing and aahing (we're still talking cricket here) when he lets a flipper break, I propose we have entire stadia of Powerpoint freaks watch my (and other Powerpoint legends of course) making a particularly brilliant slide. Similarly, dear ol' Suk would have hordes of female audiences swooning over his innovative use of the Spot Healing Brush Tool, and using 5 fingers to execute a job (we're talking Photoshop here this time). It's time the geeks of the world get some recognition too.