Friday, February 26, 2010

JOB APPLICATION #FAILS... OR #WINS, ACTUALLY...

I don't usually pimp forwards - but this one was different. It was so funny I had to, just HAD to share it on the blog. Thank you to my dear friend Lex Menon for sharing this.

Enjoy, guys :)

Some gems from job applications...

==================================================
Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...
==================================================
Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my commuter skills."

I think we can oblige.
==================================================
Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."

Sounds uncomfortable.
==================================================
Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."

We can hardly wait.
==================================================
Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."

We'll try not to let it go to our heads.
==================================================
Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."

Good luck with that.
==================================================
Experience: "10 years of experience in financail budgiting and transactions rigistering."

But limited experience with the spell-check function.
==================================================
Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."

If you insist.
==================================================
Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."

Yum.
==================================================
Skills: "Grate communication skills."

Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?
==================================================
Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."

Seems kind of harsh ...
==================================================
Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."

Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?
==================================================
Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?
==================================================
Education: "B.A. in Loberal Arts."

Did you minor in ear piercing?
==================================================
Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appalling to employers."

We're pretty shocked already ...
==================================================
Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."

Glad to hear it.
==================================================
Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.
==================================================
Cover letter: "Experienced in all faucets of accounting."

That should help with the flow of information.
==================================================
Cover letter: "Try me, and you will not regret"

Over the interview table, nothing less. (thank you @anmenon for this)
==================================================

While I don't intend to turn CoD into a forwards-posting zone, I do remember some outrageously hilarious forwards from an era long before Twitter and Facebook. They're all preserved for posterity on various sites on the net, will dig them all out and put the links on a post one day.

I'm still laughing at the stuff above! If you have any more entries for above, tell me, I'll add!

9 comments:

Goofball said...

LOL!!!
This is simply awesome!!! :D

Wewake said...

Hehehe. Are all these Indian resumes?

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

@Goofball: Thank you :) But the credit is hardly mine.

@Wewake: No - this list has been circulating on the internet for sometime. I wouldn't be surprised if they're not real at all also.

I'm planning to make a part 2 of this post and come out with fictional ones myself. That should be fun.

Kavity said...

"executing final candidates" ROTFL still! Good stuff to read, first thing in the morning :)

Slym said...

now this is a good one..

Priyanka Sahni said...

@ Chuck : they can be real resumes cos i receive similar kind of resumes day in & Day out.
PS : the comments made me feel so 'me' :P

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Thanks, chaps :)

@Pri: If you have any such gems, do send them in!

brijesh tripathi said...

very inetersting...

Rakesh said...

This is hilarious.. i have been overlooking you blog for some time and i must say you have grate humour sense and observations. The executions that you perform over your blog is commendable as well. Simble superb.

Fellow mallu blogger.