Friday, May 08, 2009


Sensing an overuse and abuse of some words, the Quota Usage Association of Communication Kompanies (QUACK) has placed restrictions on the number of times each organization can use certain words.

Explaining the reason for the move, the CEO of the Ahmedabad-based organization spoke exclusively to Amaltas Times. ''What we are facing is repetitive usage of the same words in the media. The way we describe multiple situations is now becoming homogeneous. I mean, back in the good ol' 1900s, people used words like sesquipedalian and velocipede. Who uses words like that now? Our kids are going to become duffers. Hence we're going to place restrictions on words that organizations can use and restrict the use of very common, repetitive words.'', said former QUACK president Jignesh Patel, whose name caused him to be removed from his post.

What are the implications of the ruling, is thr question on everybody's lips and Twitter feeds, and understandably so. The IPL commentary team is likely to be badly affected, since their entire vocabulary revolves around roughly 25 words. There is panic among the top reigns of SET Max, since Arun Lal cannot describe every boundary as 'Fantastic' anymore. Neither can Ravi Shastri use 'sailed into the crowd' indiscriminately. There is also a populist ruling which ensures that Gaurav (that irritating VJ-turned-cricket expert) cannot giggle and make passes at Mandira Bedi more than 10 times a match. Followers of normal cricket on normal channels like ESPN-Star are relieved. ''Thank heavens, we won't have to bear those idiots' commentary again. Now I can actually release the mute button!'', says noted IIM Ahmedabad alumnus and cricket statistician Nikhil Chalakkal. However, the move has raised questions in the corporate world, with uncertainty over how many times a six is actually a DLF Maximum, or a catch is a Citi Moment of success or an appeal is a Sennheiser AudioMoment, or a toss is an ICICIPrudential MoneyFlip.

Another high-profile victim of the ruling is noted B... Er C-School MICA, who has to now limit the usage of the words 'brand', 'positioning', 'insight', 'model' and 'customer'. When contacted about the ill effects of the move, freelance insect photographer Ajinkya Pawar remarked that this would probably lead to half the visiting faculty not knowing what to say. ''They'll have to come up with synonyms for everything. So instead of brand they'll say name-of-product and for insight they'll say the-thing-customers-do-which-drives-marketing-ideas. Boy, this is gonna be fun!''

Amaltas Times attempted contacting His Holiness the Hostel Coordinator of Amaltas, Sir Doctor Sri Sri Varun Paramanand Singh was unable to comment since he had already exhausted his yearly quota of the words 'dash', 'what' and 'brilliant'.

QUACK is also yet to respond on why they altered the spelling of 'companies' to come up with a cheesy acronym.


jere said...

i luuuurvvveee ure bloggg!! :)

Vaibhav Mathur said...

I feel IT industry will be most severely hit by this word usage quota. How would Proj Mngr talk about the following:
- Status report
- Company policy
- Resource Allocation
- Effectiveness
- Client commitment
- Off-shoring model

puresunshine said...

from a mediapersons POV: imagine if these words were gone:


Ah! nice! rajdeep sardesai wud need to find more new words to yell out!

cool post!

Ajinkya said...

i hope jawan jon doesnt resort to synonyms to exclaim his incessant exclamations.
btw, i see a conspiracy behind this post. i believe it is the capitalist thesaurus publishers who are behind this move.

down with - cabal, complot, confederacy, connivance, countermine, counterplot, covin, disloyalty, fix, frame*, game, hookup, intrigue, league, little game, machination, perfidy, plot, practice, put-up job, scheme, sedition, treacherousness, treachery, treason, trick, trickery

ChUcK said...

@ Jere: Aww, thanks :-) I can always count on you ;)

@ Vaibhav: Making fun of the IT sector is now passe. Most of the sarcasm on Indian blogs comes from frustrated software engineers anyway :P

@ Sunshine: We can also put a cap on the decibel level of Arnab Goswami. That will be something :-D

@ Ajinkya: Go away.