Thursday, March 12, 2009

AMALTAS TIMES: Placements next year to go up 50%

For those who feel the economic recession is all negative, here is one statistic released by the Department of Statistics, Career Planning and Development Cell, MICA. The average salaries next year are expected to go up by 50% over the last year.

What this essentially means is, according to the DoS, if the average salaries this year are going to be 6, next year when things normalise, it will go back up, and might hit 9.

"This is a perfectly logical thing to happen," C.P.A.D.C. member Atul Saini. "The thing about placements in all BSchools is not how many companies come, or what was the highest salary and all... But how well you can manipulate statistics and come up with newer and newer levels of bull to confuse everyone." When asked whether this 50% logic was not true of every BSchool, Saini replies, "Sure, it will happen. For some BSchools it will go up by even more... But we thought of the fact first, didn't we?". He has a point.

"This is a truly magnificent statistic which we can no doubt use in placement brochures and pitches to companies.", says placements general secretary Shravan 'The Baba' Narula. "Maybe even that freak Chuck can go put the stat up on Pagalguy and get woo some more aspirants to this place", he adds with a smirk.

"Obfuscation is the name of the game, bay-beh", commented Placements Committee poster boy and heartthrob Nishant Tyagi, before going off to Shela village to meet with another bootlegger.

The DoS seems to have taken inspiration from Cricinfo statistics, which provide statistics such as what the highest score by a left-handed batsman starting with G is in a one-day international match at a ground starting with R against non-test playing nations.

(the answer, by the way, is 188* by Gary Kirsten at Rawalpindi)

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