Okay... This was while a friend and me just started off trying to make sarcastic statements and be Wodehousean at the same time.
While not achieving the heights of Chandler Bing or Plum himself, I could come up with the following.
Theme: Rock band.
"I wouldn't call the drumming bad. I mean, I enjoyed the symphonic orchestration of a pile of vessels being knocked over on the kitchen floor at home. This was, in comparision, just a tad more out of timing."
"His singing bears the type of voice which makes you reinstate your belief in the adage 'silence is golden' "
"His guitaring was good! Yes! In between the half-baked solos and off-key riffs were some moments of perfect silence that occupied 90% of the time. So, yes, 90% good guitaring!"
"The only key that the band seemed to have was the one to their hotel room. And it looks like even that will not be needed for too long."
"The only time the band seemed anywhere near Rock is when a sedimentary object was projectiled onto stage in the general direction of the musicians."
"It was actually musical genius, I thought. Keyboardist playing in A, Guitarist playing in D, and singer doing it in G# minor. And you thought Yngwie Malmsteen was good at scales? Ha!"
"The guitaring was terrible till one string broke. Then he automatically became 1/6ths better."
"This band was single-handedly responsible for converting me from a lip-synch hater to lover."
"This type of performance is what mandates the term 'guitar so low' "
"And for once, we were actually thankful for Chennai's 10 o-clock curfew"
"It was the singular time I witnessed a power failure being greeted with a standing ovation."
"He was the type of guitarist you'd do anything to see play a power chord - watch him hold a C major while electrocuting him with 300 Watts of power!"
"I have heard nursery inhabitants play better percussion with rattles."
"Zildjian initially made cymbals as noisemakers to frighten away the enemies of the Ottoman Empire. This drummer could have become a national hero had he been in another era."
"Thankfully the mic was an inanimate object. Had it been a living being, it would have probably swallowed the battery and committed suicide by the first paragraph, rather than survive the entire performance."
"I like the brand positioning of this band. Rather than playing decently and just being sidelined as 'another decent band', they chose to play absolute rot, and carve a unique niche as a pathetic, terrible band. They now own that genre. Shitrock."
Special thanks to DD, who was there to witness these streaks of madness first hand ;)