Thursday, April 20, 2006

BACK TO DEMENTIA!

Okay, after a few serious topics, the Chuck we all know and love is back.

I've been reading a lot of MAD magazines these days... And well, one of my favourite articles is the "MAD Odds/Causes of celebrity death".

For example...
for Simon Cowell, the magazine predicted that the odds of him being murdered by an American Idol participant were a very realistic 1:1.
for Bill Gates, the puntering Nostradamii of the publication placed similar odds on his getting lost in a 50,000 sq. foot house and starve to death.

So, this inspired me (yes, that is a cause of worry) to try my hand at something similar. The only thing that I am familiar with is myself.

So, I shall offer my own odds of "Celebrity Cause Of Death". I allude to myself as a celebrity, not because I have a 50,000 sq ft house, or because I have the looks that make women fall in my path (they do, but that's more because I don't bathe very often).

Anyway, cut the chatter... And here we go...

CHUCK'S CAUSE-OF-DEATH BETTING ODDS
===================================

1. Hammered, beaten and mauled by angry mob of fellow students who couldn't stand his PJs any more 1:1

2. Due to shock that free messaging has been stopped by AirTel 2:1

2. Asphyxiation from trying on a tight vest that hasn't been used since 8th grade 4:1

3. Sudden surge of power flowing through electric guitar (a la old Hindi movies) while attempting 'Stairway to Heaven' solo 10:1

4. Pounded into oblivion by GECT's Mechanical Engineering students when, in a state of inspired insanity he expands "TMS" to a derogatory phrase 12:1

5. Slashed in the heart by an E-string that he tried to tune on to guitar, which broke off and whiplashed 20:1

6. The sudden banging head on table when falling off asleep in class, during lectures in college 30:1

7. Succumbing to gravitational forces while walking on terrace and oblivious of surroundings, because he's too busy SMSing... 32:1

8. Drinking too much Coca-Cola :) 35:1

9. Drowns while attempting to swim, mistaking the deeper end of the pool for the kiddies' section 40:1

10. Killed in Enyclopaedia avalanche when attempting to perform weightlifting stunts with 45-volume Britannica 45:1

11. Gets stuck in canteen freezer while attempting to reach out for the coldest soda at the bottom 50:1

12. Run over by bus at public bus stand while painstakingly trying to read the Malayalam on the board of an other bus 56:1

13. Run over by a MIG that uses hostel roof as launching base 472394329:1

So there you have it...
Ah, feels so good to be my own insane self again ;)