Thursday, April 20, 2006

BACK TO DEMENTIA!

Okay, after a few serious topics, the Chuck we all know and love is back.

I've been reading a lot of MAD magazines these days... And well, one of my favourite articles is the "MAD Odds/Causes of celebrity death".

For example...
for Simon Cowell, the magazine predicted that the odds of him being murdered by an American Idol participant were a very realistic 1:1.
for Bill Gates, the puntering Nostradamii of the publication placed similar odds on his getting lost in a 50,000 sq. foot house and starve to death.

So, this inspired me (yes, that is a cause of worry) to try my hand at something similar. The only thing that I am familiar with is myself.

So, I shall offer my own odds of "Celebrity Cause Of Death". I allude to myself as a celebrity, not because I have a 50,000 sq ft house, or because I have the looks that make women fall in my path (they do, but that's more because I don't bathe very often).

Anyway, cut the chatter... And here we go...

CHUCK'S CAUSE-OF-DEATH BETTING ODDS
===================================

1. Hammered, beaten and mauled by angry mob of fellow students who couldn't stand his PJs any more 1:1

2. Due to shock that free messaging has been stopped by AirTel 2:1

2. Asphyxiation from trying on a tight vest that hasn't been used since 8th grade 4:1

3. Sudden surge of power flowing through electric guitar (a la old Hindi movies) while attempting 'Stairway to Heaven' solo 10:1

4. Pounded into oblivion by GECT's Mechanical Engineering students when, in a state of inspired insanity he expands "TMS" to a derogatory phrase 12:1

5. Slashed in the heart by an E-string that he tried to tune on to guitar, which broke off and whiplashed 20:1

6. The sudden banging head on table when falling off asleep in class, during lectures in college 30:1

7. Succumbing to gravitational forces while walking on terrace and oblivious of surroundings, because he's too busy SMSing... 32:1

8. Drinking too much Coca-Cola :) 35:1

9. Drowns while attempting to swim, mistaking the deeper end of the pool for the kiddies' section 40:1

10. Killed in Enyclopaedia avalanche when attempting to perform weightlifting stunts with 45-volume Britannica 45:1

11. Gets stuck in canteen freezer while attempting to reach out for the coldest soda at the bottom 50:1

12. Run over by bus at public bus stand while painstakingly trying to read the Malayalam on the board of an other bus 56:1

13. Run over by a MIG that uses hostel roof as launching base 472394329:1

So there you have it...
Ah, feels so good to be my own insane self again ;)

12 comments:

>|' ; '| said...

quite a compilation of probable causes of the untimely demise of the pj machine !

ChUcK said...

Yeah, and you can be sure that a few more people will be adding more probabilities that I have chanced to missed out on...

BTW, I'm guessing you're from Orkut...


ChUcK

neermathalam said...

still that MIG didnt hit you...
GOD is dead ??...this is the proof...
or is it the otherway ??

ChUcK said...

The MIG didn't hit me... yet!

Grondmaster said...

How about the shock of finiding out you actually made it to MICA after the nth try?

I'd say... perhaps the odds would be... 10:1

Lets see... make it to MICA 10 times in a row... we'll find out, shan't we?

ChUcK said...

Well, I hope those odds will be 2:1 :-D
by the way, this comment is the first thing I'm ever typing out using my cell phone... Interesting... Heh heh... If only I could access Orkut as well...

lekshmi said...

Hammered, beaten and mauled by angry mob of fellow students who couldn't stand his PJs any more 1:1
Succumbing to gravitational forces while walking on terrace and oblivious of surroundings, because he's too busy SMSing... 32:1
Run over by bus at public bus stand while painstakingly trying to read the Malayalam on the board of an other bus 56:1

I'd rate these ones as having the highest probability...N' if you could access orkut from your phone too, i have a feeling one mr. sunil bharti would soon file for bankruptcy

ChUcK said...

Hey, the dude's offering unlimited GPRS for just 250 a month, isn't he :D

Got to get my money's worth, ya? ;)

ChUcK

Raghav said...

haha nice

Lighthouse said...

very inspiring blog... definitely touches a psychic chord within me....and ur groups bhoomika performance was sensational....mindblowing

ChUcK said...

@ lighthouse : thanks, buddy... but who are you? I'm guessing it's someone from our college itself :D

@ Raghav : Thanks, mate ;) Cheers to the PJ gurus of PagalGuy!

ChUcK

enchanted illusionz said...

read a couple of ur posts , ws checkin out stuff n mica @ pagalguy & gt d link from der. must say u hv an awesom sense f humour...